Saying no

This week, I said no.

I am still a little heart sick about it.

I am not one of those people who has a lot of trouble saying yes all the time.  I used to be, but then I had kids, and found that overcommitting made us all miserable.  I retreated into a more hermit-like existence while they were infants.  As they got a little older, though, I started to peek out of my cave.

And I saw all the ways in which I wanted to return to my previous life as well as grow and change into a new one.  So I started saying yes.  Yes, I’ll go back to work one day a week.  Yes, I’ll join that fabulous volunteer group.  Yes, people can come visit and we’ll take trips and, and, and…

Then, I was forced to step back and really think about my career decision for next year.  Could I keep the position I’m in now even though I’m adding another?  I really wanted to.  I tried to think about it creatively, make the hours work for my family.  The school district rejected my proposal.  So then the choice had to be made: take it or leave it?

I really wanted to take it.  So much that I started figuring out how to bend over backwards to do it, and in the process asked several other family members to bend over backwards with me.  I am grateful to my husband, my mom, and my stepfather for all stepping up and saying that if I wanted this, if it was important to me, they would help.

However, after a few nearly sleepless nights, I decided that I shouldn’t.

As hard as it will be to step away from this job and move into the one the district said I could and should do, there are plenty of positives.  It will mean a more fulfilling work experience, a better school schedule for the boys, and a morning by myself in the middle of the week to just breathe.

As much as I want my superstar cape for being good at many different roles, it is certainly easier to be great if I focus on just a few.  Splitting my teacher role into three separate jobs just isn’t the best plan right now.