My Easter pity party

It’s been a week now, in which I spent a lot of time throwing a pity party that no one came to except me. I got sick eight days ago. Just a cold, but one of those ridiculous colds that makes you feel like your head is really a watermelon that threatens to topple you with its excessive weight at any moment.

Jonathan had a work deadline, and I simply could not deal with the also-sick boys, so we called my mom to come help. She very kindly came down and did everything that needed doing, but when she left, the boys and I were still sick.

So on Easter Day it was just the four of us home alone. I put on a happy face and watched them do their egg hunt and play delightedly with the Legos that the (super cool) Easter Bunny had brought them, but when they went to bed, I sat down and cried. It increased my watermelon head by two sizes, of course, but the tears came anyway.

You see, I come from a big family. Really big. Like my mom was the oldest of seven, big. And they still have family parties ALL the time. And I miss those parties almost all of the time. I live too far away to fly back to Michigan easily or often, so I go home twice a year and I spend all the rest of the days looking at pictures on our family site and crying. Yes, I really do. We’ve lived here for six and a half years now, and I still cry on every stupid holiday because I miss my family.

My sister lives two hours north, and my parents moved out here a year and a half ago, so now a (very small) subset of my family gets together and we do it up as much as we can without the other fifty people. It makes the day more bearable, and the post-Skype tears are usually pretty short-lived.

This Easter was extra-special because we were also celebrating my sister’s birthday and my nephew’s. There was ice cream cake to be had, people, and I was THERE.

Except that I couldn’t be, because three of us had this Titanic-sized cold. So this Easter I missed not one but two family parties. I missed out on two friend invitations, too, because I didn’t think they were inviting our germs to their houses.

Jonathan held my hand while I cried and told me he was sorry, but he doesn’t really get it. He comes from a family of three, so frankly our house of four is already big in his world. His parents didn’t celebrate any holidays, really, so he doesn’t get that either.

So what I wanted to do was yell at him for the hundredth time that what the hell does he know about it anyway? But I didn’t, because I’m trying not to hold it against him that his family was small and holiday-less. I’m filing it under Things He Can’t Change, and accepting whatever sympathy I can get.

It’s two days later, and I’m finally wrapping up the pity party. But this isn’t what I wanted, for myself or for my boys. I cannot help but want them to have the happy, family-filled childhood that I had growing up. When I’m reminded that they don’t have it, I start looking for the nearest Exit From This Life of Living Far Away. The grass is always greener in Michigan, apparently, even if we live in the Evergreen State.

Yet I also know, deep in my heart, that having two parents with good jobs is important. I know that having their cousins just a drive away is right. It may not really be better anywhere but here.

But every holiday? It sure feels like it would be.

P.S. I faked it as well as I could, and I think the boys had fun. We even colored eggs in between coughs and nose wipes. Someone tried to drink the egg dye, though, so the other someone got to do all the rest.

;

9 Responses to My Easter pity party
  1. Gramma
    April 10, 2012 | 8:41 pm

    whether a family is two or two hundred, the absent ones are keenly missed. I am grateful that you had a family experience that can be missed so poignantly as it is the best way to ensure a similar feeling for your boys. love you!

  2. NJ @ A Pocket Full Of Dinosaurs
    April 11, 2012 | 3:12 am

    Oh man! We must be soul sisters! I know exactly what you mean about coming from a large extended family, holidays, living far from them, and always feeling like you’re missing something happening at “home”. It is such a hard feeling, to know that you’re missing out because you live so far away. And then on top of it to be sick and miss your local fiesta! I give myself comfort by working really hard to make holidays new and special for our tiny family and hope/pray that Malone will look forward to our traditions as my as I long for and miss mine. Hang in there, I hope you feel better soon! xoxox

  3. Missy @ Wonder, Friend
    April 11, 2012 | 7:34 am

    Oh, hugs to you. My family is not that big, but we do all get together often. The times I’m not able to be there always make me really sad. My husband is also from a small family that didn’t do a lot of holiday hoopla – I know exactly what you mean by wanting to scream, “You just don’t get it!” They don’t get it, but bless them for trying. 😉

    Hope you are all feeling better. It’s bad enough to be sick, but it really stinks to be sick on a holiday.

  4. Life As Wife
    April 11, 2012 | 12:25 pm

    Ugh it’s ok to have a pity party.

    It’s hard when you and your husband come from different family backgrounds. He’s gotta understand why you’re upset and you have to understand why he’s not.

    My husband comes from a very tight/in your business family while I do not. It’s a struggle balancing everyone’s idea of family time.

  5. Pamela
    April 11, 2012 | 6:35 pm

    I know the feeling of being away so well; I too, miss my family in Michigan! We’ve been here almost 2.5 years now, and though we’ve made friends, few relationships can substitute for the long term intimacy of family and lifelong friendships that we left out of state. I miss the little celebrations and like my mom said in a note to me the other day, just going out to lunch together, or playing a board game, or having help when needed, SOOO needed. I get that feeling for sure; so let those tears out when you need to; it’s perfectly understandable! Hugs to you!

  6. Christine @ Love, Life, Surf
    April 11, 2012 | 7:31 pm

    I too come from a big family – my mom is the oldest of 9 (!!!) and there were always lots of family gatherings and get togethers, especially around the holidays. My husband too comes from a small family. Well, small family here in the US where it’s just him, his parents, sister and grandmother. The rest of his family is in Poland. So, like you, holidays = lots of families and it’s a big deal. I’m so sorry that you are sick and weren’t able to attend but I’m sure that you were sorely missed. I hope you’re feeling better!

  7. MEL
    April 12, 2012 | 6:28 am

    Ah, the double-edged sword of living away from one’s family. We’ve had the discussion of moving back to MI several times. Not so much b/c either of us come from big families, but 90% of our family is back there and withing 40 minutes of each other.

    The biggest stumbling block is the economy back there (well, the economy in my line of work). But we understand missing out on get-togethers and milestones.

    Good luck and kick that cold!

  8. Eternal Lizdom
    April 12, 2012 | 10:28 am

    Stopping by through a link from Glitnir76.

    I’ve been there. My mom is the one who hosts the holidays and it is a 2 hour drive to get there. Easy enough to do. It’s been a long standing tradition that any family in a 2-3 hour radius drives to my mom’s.

    I’ve had to start adjusting my view of holidays with my mom and it stinks. I can’t blog about it since she reads my blog. But things have just changed. The passion and excitement about the food was the first to go so it’s become a pretty blah, standard menu instead of anything special. She doesn’t want anyone traveling to cook or bring food, either. Family started moving away and… it suddenly became easier to give my in-town in-laws Easter instead of traveling hours away to end up disappointed.

    The first Easter that I couldn’t be there- for reasons that truly kept me away instead of by my own choosing- was hard. It just wasn’t how a holiday was supposed to be.

    My brother is recognizing this now. He’s finishing college and expresses his disappointment when I don’t make it home for a holiday or when less people show up than anticipated. But he’s going to be facing these choices soon as he is getting into a more serious relationship and will soon be on his own and having to figure out how to spend time for the holidays.

    I’m rambling a lot. Ha!

    Anyway- I hope you are healthy and that you stick with focusing on the joy of the ways you were able to celebrate instead of what you missed out on.

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