>Sunwise

We’ve all heard it a hundred times at least.  You know, that variation on “Don’t go to bed angry” or the more poetic “Don’t let the sun set on your anger.”  It sounds wise and many people tell you it is one secret to a good marriage or friendship, but really it turns out that it is completely untrue for me.

If I am upset about something, the later it gets the more I become oversensitive and irrational.  I am critical not only of whatever it is that made me mad in the first place, but about how he reacts to each thing I say in the argument. I bring up past offenses that feel similar to this one.  I point out the fact that he’s tired and wants to sleep as proof that he doesn’t care.  All of those fall squarely under the category of Unfair Fighting.

It’s incredibly hard for me to sleep when I’m angry, and I’ve always thought that it made sense to talk something out, especially since most disagreements are small and seem to me like they should be able to be worked out before we go to bed.

Exhaustion due to pregnancy and parenthood, however, has more often forced me to fall asleep before an issue gets resolved, and it turns out that we are all the happier for it.  When morning rolls around, I often have let go completely of any anger toward the small stuff, and if I am still upset about some larger issue, I am calmer and more able to find a way to discuss and solve it productively.

Just goes to show you that there are few proverbs, suggestions, or tips that work for everyone.  The only trick, really, is to figure out what works for you, even if you have to kick conventional wisdom to the curb once in a while.