More tips for improving self-discipline

Last week I wrote about how to increase your self-discipline, something I’ve struggled with mightily.  You can click back to read about the first two steps here before going on.

3.  Discover what motivates you.

You already know that sometimes you are good at doing the things you don’t want to do.  No matter how much you may despise it, you probably already get the dishes and the laundry done.  You may not get them done as often as you’d like, but they get done at some point because they have to or you’d run out of clean plates and underwear.  Natural consequences are powerful motivators for all of us.

But what about when the only natural consequence is that you feel like a failure?

You have still been successful in those instances.  Think about other times you’ve been able to motivate yourself.

• Maybe when someone else is doing the task with you?
• Or when there is a certain type of reward?
• Are you more likely to follow through if someone else will know and hold you accountable?

Example: I was astonished to learn to what lengths I’ll go to have dessert each day.  I will do an extra HOUR of tasks in the evening if I’ve tied completion of those tasks to having a cookie or piece of chocolate.

I was worried that I’d give up, get tired, and break out the sweets anyway, so I combined this with some accountability by telling my husband about my goal and then putting all the desserts on a shelf that I can’t reach without a chair.  This means that when I go to get dessert, I have to pull out the chair to get it or ask him to reach the high shelf, so either way he knows when I am doing it.  I have realized that if I do this without having completed my daily tasks, I will be embarrassed if he looks over or asks me if I’m done already.  So now I keep plugging on until I really have earned my reward.

4.  Deal with setbacks.

Setbacks are inevitable, as my husband wisely pointed out to me recently.  Some days throw us for a loop, and we won’t be able to do what we should, or we can’t work on our goals because something comes up that is more important like a sick child or a friend in need.  That happens, and we have to take a deep breath and just start again the next day or the next week or whenever we can.

That being said, sometimes we fail to meet our goals repeatedly even under normal circumstances.  In that case, there is usually some obstacle in our way that we have to move.

• Maybe it’s about finding a way to remember to do something.
• Maybe there is a consistent distraction keeping us from our goal or task.
• Maybe the time of day or the location needs tweaking.

Once again, go back to the times when you’ve been successful at doing the task and see what was different about those times versus the times you haven’t done it.  If you can find the pattern, you can make the changes you  need to in order to get it done more consistently.

5.  Automate as much of your routine as possible.

Sometimes we use up our self-discipline or focus on mundane tasks that really don’t let us feel like we’ve accomplished much.  I think this happens a lot to parents of small children because all of the tasks involved in caring for them suck up our attention and energy, and at the end of the day it’s tough to really feel like we’ve accomplished much that WE wanted to do.

The more we can make certain tasks automatic, the easier it will be for us to accomplish them without using up that exhaustible resource of self-discipline.  Here are two tricks that have been helpful for me:

The first is to tie tasks I want to do to ones I already do.  This is called “anchoring” and I learned it from the book Switch.  For example, I know that every day I’m going to brush my teeth.  So if I want to do something else, I can start to always do it right after I brush my teeth.  Brushing my teeth acts as a trigger to remind me of the task I want to start doing more regularly.  In my case, after I brush my teeth, I start the first load of laundry for the day.  Now it’s become automatic so I don’t have to spend precious time or energy thinking, “Ok, now what’s the next thing I need to do today?”

The second trick I use is to make lists of routines so all I have to do is refer quickly to them.  I have a “clean up routine” list posted on my fridge for after each meal because I am constantly interrupted by my children while we’re cleaning up so I lose track of where I was.  I’ll come back to the table an hour later only to realize that it still has crumbs and jelly smears on it because I forgot to wipe it after lunch.

I also have a list of what loads of laundry I do each day of the week, so now I never have to think about which laundry hamper is most full or which one do I most need to do today.  I look at the list and put in whatever the list says.  Yes, I make exceptions to my lists once in a while, but for the most part they take the thinking out of those chores so I can save my brain for when I really need it (like trying to decide what lesson I’m teaching at work the next day or how to respond to the latest toddler meltdown.)

6.  Use any trick that works for you.

I’ve discovered a lot of tricks over the years that have helped me.  One of them is to “Eat the Frog,” which is to do the most unpleasant task first.  It’s based on this Mark Twain quote:  “If you eat a frog first thing in the morning, the rest of your day will be wonderful.”  I am a huge procrastinator and I’ll happily check off five easier things on my list in order to avoid the one I really ought to do.  But if I do it first, I have more energy with which to tackle it, and it will strengthen my self-discipline muscle so I can work on other tasks afterward.

Another trick I use is having a mantra:  “Do what ought to be done.”  I got this from the Happiness Project, and it’s been so helpful.  When I catch myself wasting time or looking around unsure of where to go next, I say this to myself and then look for my lists.

Finally I love “gold stars” or rewards for my accomplishments.  I actually do put little star stickers on a chart for myself when I complete my daily chore because seeing them makes me smile and not seeing them motivates me to get it done.  I put the chart on my fridge so I know that when other people come over, they’ll see it too and that helps motivate me as well, because don’t we all want our mothers-in-law, for example, to think we are awesome and organized?  Yes, we do.

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I hope this has been helpful!  I’ll write a separate post about how I’m trying to develop self-discipline in my munchkins, because I think as parents we can all agree that we don’t want to be cleaning up after them when they are 20.

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Disclaimer: the ideas I write about have come to me through a lot of thinking and reading on this subject.  In some cases I can no longer remember whether the idea was mine or someone else’s, or I cannot remember the original source.  If you ever know the source or have read something similar, please do comment so we can give credit where it is due.