More than enough

As many of you know, I was sitting here last Wednesday feeling helpless. I had intended to write about Sebastian’s first soccer class and Theo’s first toddler class, but when I sat down to Just Write, all of these “I can’t” feelings poured out of me.

And I received much sympathy and many virtual hugs, but still the pounding “I can’t” was giving me a massive headache.

So finally I paused and thought, “Why not?”

I had a quick talk with my sister and my mom (who is currently living near her) and they told me I should just do it.  They were right.  I knew I had to go.  Suddenly I was packing. And it turned out that I COULD.

I could go visit my nephew in the hospital, even in the middle of the work week.

I could take him to the play room and let him show me around and help him bandage up the pretend patients and “cook” a potato chip omelette.

I could watch and smile while the three boys were hard at “work” on different toys, but all around the same table.

I could babysit for my niece and let her hold Theo’s hand and smile at Sebastian.

I could pet their dogs and let them in and out.

I could go visit my parents’ new cottage and hang out and thank them, since they do a lot of the helping that I wish I could do.

I could stay up late talking and eating Ben & Jerry’s with my sister.

I could sit in the car, listening only to the sound of the road, and pray (without inwardly shouting) that either this next round of chemo works, or that another path becomes clear right away.

I could be there.

You all were right that being here on the other end of the phone or email is helpful. It’s enough for my family.

But this was enough for me.

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I am delighted to have finally found the inner peace that let me link up to Just Be Enough, because the stories there have been inspiring me lately.