Retrospective

Well, my ten-minute post idea lasted five days and then disappeared for 4 months.  I toyed with the idea of shutting down the blog so that I wouldn’t feel guilty about not writing here.  I haven’t been able to do it.  Even though I’ve been busying myself with my non-virtual life, it was comforting to know that this corner was still here waiting for me to return.  Tonight I finally came back for a visit.

It’ll be a brief one, because I’m tired of being sick and need to place a higher priority on being healthy.  But I wanted to pop back in, look around, remind myself of where I’ve been and how far I’ve come.

I needed to get my boys out of the house this afternoon, so I took them to our local children’s hands-on museum.  I hadn’t been there since last spring, but I used to go more often, especially when I was home alone with just Sebastian.  That was only three years ago, but it feels like more than a lifetime.  Probably because it is – Theo’s.

I sat happily while the boys played with an enormous train table and ended up striking up a conversation with a woman who had an almost-two-year old boy.  We talked about all the usual topics – speech or motor development, toilet training, playdates, and the transition to staying home with the baby after working for so many years.

I admit that I got tired of those conversations after the second year of full-time maternity leave.  But today I found them refreshing, especially now that I’m on the other side of some of them.  Sebastian is still a little boy, but he’s no longer a baby or toddler.  I told that mom that things get easier, and it’s amazing how fast these little danger magnets grow up.  She looked at me wide-eyed and then relieved when I told her that now I can just tell Sebastian to go upstairs and get changed, or to get ready to go, and he does.  All by himself.

It really is incredible how much tunnel-vision we get when we’re in the trenches of raising small people.  The second time around is much easier, because we’ve learned that it all does pass, and what seems like forever now will look like a blip in a year or two.  We will even miss some of it, I’m told, though I think you’re probably with me when I say that I will never, ever miss toilet training.  Ever.

Meanwhile, it was a lovely afternoon traveling down memory lane a bit and marveling at my boys who looked so big surrounded by littler people.  And then to scoop them up at bedtime and kiss their almost-chubby cheeks, grateful that they’re still small enough to enjoy that as much as I do.