Saying no

This week, I said no.

I am still a little heart sick about it.

I am not one of those people who has a lot of trouble saying yes all the time.  I used to be, but then I had kids, and found that overcommitting made us all miserable.  I retreated into a more hermit-like existence while they were infants.  As they got a little older, though, I started to peek out of my cave.

And I saw all the ways in which I wanted to return to my previous life as well as grow and change into a new one.  So I started saying yes.  Yes, I’ll go back to work one day a week.  Yes, I’ll join that fabulous volunteer group.  Yes, people can come visit and we’ll take trips and, and, and…

Then, I was forced to step back and really think about my career decision for next year.  Could I keep the position I’m in now even though I’m adding another?  I really wanted to.  I tried to think about it creatively, make the hours work for my family.  The school district rejected my proposal.  So then the choice had to be made: take it or leave it?

I really wanted to take it.  So much that I started figuring out how to bend over backwards to do it, and in the process asked several other family members to bend over backwards with me.  I am grateful to my husband, my mom, and my stepfather for all stepping up and saying that if I wanted this, if it was important to me, they would help.

However, after a few nearly sleepless nights, I decided that I shouldn’t.

As hard as it will be to step away from this job and move into the one the district said I could and should do, there are plenty of positives.  It will mean a more fulfilling work experience, a better school schedule for the boys, and a morning by myself in the middle of the week to just breathe.

As much as I want my superstar cape for being good at many different roles, it is certainly easier to be great if I focus on just a few.  Splitting my teacher role into three separate jobs just isn’t the best plan right now.

My heart is sad to be moving on, but I’m proud of myself for not trying to do it all.  At least, not yet!
14 Responses to Saying no
  1. Missy @ Wonder, Friend
    May 11, 2012 | 1:39 pm

    It’s never easy to make a decision like that. Good for you for listening to your gut and making the hard choice! Plus, that morning to yourself in the middle of the week sounds pretty good.

    • Jessica@Team Rasler
      May 11, 2012 | 8:19 pm

      Thanks, Missy. It was funny, my gut was telling me to do it until I started making lists of pros for each choice. When I got to the end of all of my ideas, my gut feeling was the complete opposite. I handed the list to my husband and said, “So it’s obvious, right?” He looked at me, puzzled. But I knew then what I needed to do. And yes, Wednesday mornings are going to be amazing. Two and a half hours alone to catch up on anything I want? Yes, please!

  2. Life As Wife
    May 11, 2012 | 6:27 pm

    Good for you for knowing when to walk away even if you really wanted it!!!

  3. MommyBrain
    May 11, 2012 | 8:25 pm

    You know I’m proud of you! And if you ever need company on an Wednesday morning, let me know … I can happily make childcare arrangements for 2.0 🙂

  4. Robbie
    May 11, 2012 | 8:53 pm

    It’s always a little sad when one door closes…but then another opens. Hope it all works out for you and your family1

  5. Missy | Literal Mom
    May 14, 2012 | 9:13 am

    Good for you for really thinking it through. It’s OH-SO-HARD to say no to something, especially something attractive. I’m working on getting better at it myself and I’m so happy to see you having success. Even if with a little regret.

    • Jessica@Team Rasler
      May 14, 2012 | 8:49 pm

      I’m just hoping I can stick to my guns over the next month or so until they fill the position. I just know my students are going to be disappointed when they hear I’m leaving the gifted program, and you know how much I wanted to stay in it! But in order to position myself to teach the full-time gifted program in a few years, my principal told me I should really move back into a homeroom. Anyway, I’m bummed, but I’m going to remember all of these kind words of encouragement and stay with this decision!

  6. Jamie
    May 14, 2012 | 9:25 am

    If you have peace about a decision, that’s a sure sign it was the right one. Hope you can sleep better at night.

    • Jessica@Team Rasler
      May 14, 2012 | 8:52 pm

      My sister and I call that “the relief test” and once letting it go made me feel relieved, I knew it was the right call. Thanks!

  7. Christine @ Love, Life, Surf
    May 14, 2012 | 4:22 pm

    What a hard hard hard decision to make but good for you for stepping back and listening to your gut. That superstar cape sure is tempting and it takes a lot of poise, strength and guts to step away from it. I’m happy for you and your decision!

  8. Kristen
    May 16, 2012 | 9:11 pm

    Wow! That is awesome that you were able to say no. …. I’m terrible at that! especially when it comes to professional things. Great job!

  9. Blond Duck
    May 18, 2012 | 1:09 pm

    I think it’s awesome you recognize just because you can do it all doesn’t mean you should!

  10. Blond Duck
    May 23, 2012 | 3:13 pm

    Hope everything is better!

  11. Pamela
    May 28, 2012 | 7:36 pm

    Good for you for sorting through a difficult decision, though it wasn’t an easy one. Best wishes!

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