This week, I said no.
I am still a little heart sick about it.
I am not one of those people who has a lot of trouble saying yes all the time. I used to be, but then I had kids, and found that overcommitting made us all miserable. I retreated into a more hermit-like existence while they were infants. As they got a little older, though, I started to peek out of my cave.
And I saw all the ways in which I wanted to return to my previous life as well as grow and change into a new one. So I started saying yes. Yes, I’ll go back to work one day a week. Yes, I’ll join that fabulous volunteer group. Yes, people can come visit and we’ll take trips and, and, and…
Then, I was forced to step back and really think about my career decision for next year. Could I keep the position I’m in now even though I’m adding another? I really wanted to. I tried to think about it creatively, make the hours work for my family. The school district rejected my proposal. So then the choice had to be made: take it or leave it?
I really wanted to take it. So much that I started figuring out how to bend over backwards to do it, and in the process asked several other family members to bend over backwards with me. I am grateful to my husband, my mom, and my stepfather for all stepping up and saying that if I wanted this, if it was important to me, they would help.
However, after a few nearly sleepless nights, I decided that I shouldn’t.
As hard as it will be to step away from this job and move into the one the district said I could and should do, there are plenty of positives. It will mean a more fulfilling work experience, a better school schedule for the boys, and a morning by myself in the middle of the week to just breathe.
As much as I want my superstar cape for being good at many different roles, it is certainly easier to be great if I focus on just a few. Splitting my teacher role into three separate jobs just isn’t the best plan right now.